Friday, April 15, 2005

You're a Damned Liar, and The Truth Aint In You!

Computers are not easy. Oh, they are easy if everything goes to plan, but that rarely happens. For no apparent reason they do strange things that you can explain to nobody. It makes sure there are no witnesses.

Adding new programs to the computer is not seamless. Nope, stuff happens. There are errors. Every time you turn on the computer programs pop up that you don't want (at that second) and the task bar overfloweth.

HTML is confusing. Even to people who say it's not. Nobody can tell me why my profile is appearing in weird places. I've given up. I have the code for my blogroll and it doesn't show up.

And passwords? Ha! All those passwords that I was sure I would remember. Nope! All I can do is try to remember what I was into at the time I set up the account. And then request the damned thing just be emailed to me.

The other day Microsoft Word was convinced I was an Asian woman. All because I DLed a language pack to view a blog. It would only accept English as a second language. I had to do a system restore to stop weird squiggles from appearing.

Just yesterday, I was minding my own business when my PAGE UP key popped off. And it won't pop back on. And the last time this happened (then it was the "D") the computer guy accused me of having fiddled with it.

And the more of a computer geek someone is, the less likely they are to acknowledge that computers do strange things for pretty much no reason. They all become Spock. (Keys don't pop off for no reason - it's not logical.)

And when you find a program you like, the geek is there to tell you how it's bad and how you need ______. Only _____ is completely counter-intuitive. Only to geeks counter-intuitive seems to be a badge of honor.

I have many good qualities (like humility) but no where on the list is computer wiz. I need intuitive and simple. And sometimes I need geek assistance minus the smugness. I know, as a geek, this is their moment to shine. I know the sudden power tastes like vindication. (While you were getting laid, I was learning Linux!!)I just want answers and in the words of Denzel,"explain it to me like I'm 5."

Anyhow, before you get a computer everyone tells you they are easy and the best thing EVER. And they ARE cool, but a lot of blatant lies are told to drag people into the cult. (Many times computer ownership is like a scene from Fargo: Blood has been spilt, Jerry.)

And that's the truth!
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