Monday, May 02, 2005

That Darn Shrub! (Or 1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, Floor!)

Can we just admit that Laura "Shecky" Bush's uproariously funny comedy routine was, in point of fact, neither uproarious or all that funny? So why is every news outlet I've seen hyping it to the skies?

1. Can we say stilted? Look, I almost flunked speech class because of stage fright -- I understand why one might be a little deer-in-the-headlights under the circumstances, but that does not change the truth. She sounded like she has memorized a script...oh, wait!

The solution? She should have asked herself WWJD? (What would Jenna do?) That's right -- she should have done a shot of Cuervo.

2. These are The Jokes, Folks! (Really?) Someone wrote those "jokes" for her. Were they paid? Because I'm here to tell you that if you get 2 or more women together -- average chicks -- they will come up with the exact same material. For Free! That is if they are residing with their husbands, as opposed to hoping their military spouse comes home alive. THOSE are real Desperate Housewives. (And they would love to have their worst problem be that hubby is in bed by 9pm. )

Solutions? Fire scriptwriter, meet some common folk, do a shot of Cuervo.

3. Thank God Laura was rescued from a life of literacy -- now she can watch more TV! Poor thing -- stuck in a library, among books, possibly thinking... Now all she has to worry about is her husband's narcolepsy, her daughters' drinking, and how such a perfect parent -- as played by Marcia Cross -- could have a sexual deviant for a son.

Solution? Oprah's Book Club...and a shot of Cuervo everytime something depressing happens in Anna Karenina.

4. In the words of John Lennon, "There's no problems, only solutions. Oh, okay...Can we stop referring to ANY first lady as the president's secret weapon? It's just way freakin' condescending! When we get a woman prez, will her husband he her secret weapon?

Even presuming it was I'm told this garnered much needed goodwill, and yet I can't see why. The first lady told a few (scripted) jokes, like reg-lar folk, and now we feel better about her husband? Why is that?

Solution? What else? A shot of tequila and pass out by 9:05 next to the man who you -- by your own admission -- desperately married and whose approach to life involves a chainsaw.

Darn, okay, I'll be fair -- it was a good try! She did try! But it was overhyped, over-reported, and just plain not funny.
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