Wednesday, April 27, 2005

The Gift of Fear.

I mentioned this book in the comments for "Just Lucky," but I wanted to expand it here. I think this book is a terrific tool! It made me think about the risks I take because I don't want to be rude or offend someone!

What Mr. DeBecker states is we all have instincts that tell us when we are in danger. There is a primitive part of us that knows when harm is approaching. We hear a voice inside that warns us when something is wrong in the people we know or surroundings - and to ignore this voice can be deadly.

Women have been socialized to be polite, and people fear looking foolish, so often we will ignore the feeling that something is "hinky." We don't want to indicate to the guy walking toward us at night that we somehow don't trust him - we don't want to insult him by crossing the street. When someone approaches us for help, we don't want to tell them "No." The cost of being polite or losing dignity by being overly cautious, could be our lives.

I don't know how many men, when I balked at giving them too much personal info at first, have told me, "Hey, I promise I'm not Jack the Ripper!" Yeah, I pretty much think Jack the Ripper used that line a couple times. What the good men need to realize is that it's nothing personal, and a trait to me encouraged when a woman hesitates. The last thing a "good guy" should ever do is encourage a female to act against common sense.

As DeBecker points out, why is a woman worried about pissing off a guy who doesn't get why she distrusts him initially? If you cannot fathom telling a child to get into a car with a stranger, why in the hell would you encourage a woman to do something similar?

He also points out how women and men have to see the world very differently by necessity and how men might not initially understand fully a woman's concerns and the issues she might face.

The book goes into how predators use tools to create a false sense of trust and intimacy. They want to create a relationship in 5 minutes, that would normally take 5 months or 5 years, in order to get a foothold into your life.

Anyhow, fabulous book for women and parents, and I understand there are more books in the series more focused on children. Now click on the link and get it before something bad happens. (I cannot afford to lose regular readers!)
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