Friday, May 06, 2005

Now Darling Nikki...That's a Song!

I know the time to write about the school in Benton Harbor banning Louie, Louie was a day ago, before everyone else already covered it, but what can I say 'cept I just wasn't feeling it then.

I think people have been needlessly harsh toward the school and the superintendant. They were merely acting in the best interest of the kids. It's no different from their decision to not allow kids in the lunchroom to drink carbonated beverage while eating pop rocks, and their decision to close down Lover's Lane until the mental institution escapee with the hooked for a hand is apprehended. And who can say anything bad about their proactive stance on preventing more incidences of spunkball?

Anyhow, I have a song lyric story that paints me as either a teacher's pet, a little tattle-tale, or a Mistress of Revenge! You decide. It's 1984 and I'm in speech class, pretty much flunking due to stage fright, when the assignment is to lipsynch to a pop song.

It was Walter's turn. Walter that loser(deleted list of prejoratives). Walter who blew spitballs at me and tripped me once. You know, Walter! Anyhow, he lip synched Little Red Corvette. (By the way there was a certain irony to the fact that Wally looked like Hitler's wet dream.) The teacher, who was 105 pounds of martinet, was clearly loving Walter's performance. As she was seated next to me I casually pointed out that the lyrics were really dirty when you really listened to him. She stopped smiling. When it ended there was a silence for several seconds. She gave him a "D" and told him she was not as stupid as he thought she was, and that she did not appreciate him singing smut in her classroom.

You know that scene in A Christmas Story where the teacher lectures everyone on what happened to Flick, and Ralphie looks around at the other kids like it had nothing to do with him? While Mrs McCormick is ranting at Walter I'm shooting everyone a "Who narced on Walter?" look. In any case, I didn't think she would spaz that much, but hey, my Pat Benatar lipsynch was ruined by him miming cunnilingus, so I call it even.

Because of this incident neither one of us got accepted to Harvard.
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