Thursday, April 21, 2005

Coming Soon To A Pharmacy Near You.

Susan walked into Liberty Drugs to pick up a few items. Rubbers. Perfume. Candy Bar. In and out and plenty of time to get ready for her date.

She placed them in front of cashier, an older woman. The cashier looked at the items and frowned.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry I cannot ring up the c-o-n-d-o-m-s."

"Excuse me?"

"Birth control is unnatural. God said to be fruitful and multiply.”

“But… what about stds – sexually transmitted diseases?”

The cashier,
whose nametag proclaimed, “Hi! My Name is Debbie! How May I Serve You?” looked horrified.

“Oh, okay, if you could just ring up the rest of the stuff.”

re you sure you want to buy My Sin? Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer Heaven Scent?”

“Pretty sure, yeah.”

“See, Hon, I have to ask What Would Jesus Do. I don’t think he would sell these items to you; I can’t see it being part of His Plan. Have you considered abstinence?”

“Only after a couple really
heinous blind dates.After one really bad date -- the guy had a combover and green teeth -- I considered being a nun, but, well - why are we having this discussion again?”

Debbie picked up the phone and her voice echoed through the store. “Assistance to the front counter. Assistance… someone will be here to ring you up in just a few minutes.”


“Ringing you up violates my religious freedom,” Debbie said, making the sign of the cross and walking away.

A few minutes later a younger woman appeared. (Hi-My-Name-Is-Tawni-!-How-May-I-Serve-You?)

“Hi. I would like to purchase these items. Will it violate anything to sell me rubbers and perfume?”

“Violate? Noooo. That’s totally my favorite perfume! You should get the ribbed condoms though. Heee heeee, Trojan Maaaaan!”

“No, these are fine.” At last.

“Hot night, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess, could you just ring me up? I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m in a hurry.”

“Sure. I can ring up everything except the candy bar.”

“What’s wrong with the candy bar?”

“You can ask that with the skyrocketing obesity rates? AND it’s got partially hydrogenated oils! And it’s a Snickers – I’m sooooo allergic to peanuts.”

You don’t have to eat it! It’s a candy bar – you’re not selling me a loaded gun!”

“That’s like in really super poor taste with all the kids that get shot and stuff each year. You’re not in the E.R.A, are you?”

“The NRA?”

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t go around shooting things!”

Susan’d had enough. “Screw this – and screw you! I’m leaving!”

The last words she heard as she left were, “Fine! Have a nice day! The cow that died to make your purse sure won’t! People like you have noooo respect for the rights of others!”

The End.

(This has been Random Silliness Theater.)

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