I'm a competitive and vicious know-it-all...you want to be my friend, right?

Where were you
When we needed you
Well you could not be found
What can I do
Oh, I believed in you
You're running me around

Well you can take it as a warning
Or take it anyway you like
It's the lightning, not the thunder
You never know where it's gonna strike

Our love's in jeopardy, baby
Ooooh-ooh-oooooh
Our love's in jeopardy, baby
Ooooh-ooh-oooooh
Jeopardy, The Greg Kihn Band

I'm competitive...but only in the sense of always having to win. Since I was born without coordination, my competitive streak mainly manifests itself in board games and game shows. I must know more useless trivia than anyone around me or I'm distressed. At the same time, people have to understand my references or Im equally distressed.

I know this guy, and well, if I weren't married I would be very attracted to him...but I am married so I barely register his studliness. Anyhow, I could never be with him, even if single, just on the level of him knowing as many bad 80s songs as I do. Oh, and showtunes. (Yes, he is straight...why do you ask?) It would drive me insane to not have superior knowledge!

I can also be slightly argumentative. I like a debate and once I really don't like you, um, I'll sorta enjoy making you look like an ass. Maybe it's because I'm an only child that I don't always play well with others. (But if I like you, we can disagree quite civilly.)

You all want to be friends with me, right?

On the positive side, I'm very loyal. Once I like you, I'll defend you with all the enthusiam of a starving piranha. In fact, I hate when my friends don't defend me as hard as I defend them. I have no diplomacy when it comes to coming to the aid of people who are important to me.

Um, now do you want to be my friend?